Today I want to share our family story. This is a story of adoption, renewal, finding our IDENTITY and the ultimate Daddy! Grab a cup of jo and hold on for a wild ride!
Our daughter A joined our family three years ago, two weeks shy of her 15th birthday. It's been a big, roller coaster transition for our family. And it's been amazingly wonderful!
First of all, our oldest biological son is no longer the oldest. They are only actually 9 months apart in age and one year in school. These two have had the biggest hurdles to overcome in the family but I have to say I am busting with pride for how much they have both grown as individuals and in their sibling relationship. I couldn't have predicted they would have the bond they have...they actually act like brother and sister! Second, the boys had never had a sister boss them around before, nor had they ever had a girl in the house besides their mom (that brings a whole new set of hormones!), NOR had they been much into pop music, the Disney Channel, or Justin Bieber...that right there will change everything! Now that she's 18, it's not quite as bad although there is still a lot of "pop culture" flying around...except when she tries to make us think she's a "thug" :)
Our girl had a rough start in life...The second of 4 siblings with an alcoholic, neglectful, and often abusive mother, and absent father. The parents were teens when they had their children and did not have the support system to care for these kids, but they didn't seek help either. The kids were basically left to fend for themselves and A was the "momma". The oldest sister was off who knows where most of the time while A cared for her two younger brothers. She was molested and witnessed horrendous actions by her mother during this time. She was forced to grow up and have responsibility too soon. She endured more than anyone should have to in their lifetime before the age of 7. Just before her 8th birthday (2003), the state was alerted to their situation and took over caring for the kids. They tried to place them with Dad, which didn't work since he had never been in the picture much and had a new girlfriend who did not want the kids. They moved to several foster homes and mom lost her rights after a year of only half-way trying to get them back. Eventually the kids were too much to handle in one foster home and were split up.
That is where we come into the story. In June of 2009 we got licensed through Arrow Family Ministries (partnering with CPS) to "foster to adopt". We had originally requested a girl or two between the ages of 5-8...in school, but not older at the time than our youngest. We thought we were so awesome that unlike the MANY other families interested in adoption, we did NOT want a baby or toddler, but didn't want to mess with "birth order". We were really patting ourselves on the back with that one! We had ZERO interest in adopting a teenager and wouldn't you know it, God would change our mind!
One of our foster parent classes began with our case worker asking all of us to consider adopting an older child. "Just pray about it", he said. We all were like "no way" :) And then Tom and I went home and within a few days I found myself looking at these kids online and thinking that I just needed to pray for them. One night, I found myself reading the description on one girl and realized that her birthday was the very next day! She was going to be 18 and I just started crying! Tom thought I had lost it. I exclaimed with great sadness, "Who is going to walk her down the aisle when she gets married? Who is going to help her when she has her first child? Who will she get to be with at Christmas?" The Holy Spirit convicted me and broke my heart that night. It grieved me to know that there are 1000s of teens in Texas alone that are waiting for adoption and when they age out, they will not have a family or any support system. I just couldn't stand it. It took Tom a little longer to come around but soon we both agreed that God was calling us specifically to adopt a teen girl...we just hadn't been willing to open our hearts to it before. We admitted that we were afraid, but wanted to be obedient to what we felt like we MUST do. We told our caseworker that we were switching our search to teenaged girls.
Now here's where it really gets good! In Aug of 2009 we still had not found the right girl for us after two months of searching. You'd think that out of 3000 kids we could find ONE. We were frustrated, and yet we knew that God had the perfect girl in mind for our family. One of our main concerns was the "street smarts" and influence that our boys would be subjected to with adopting a teen that had faced unimaginable challenges. We weren't ready to explain the horrors of the world to them, but we knew that God would take care of them and guide our discussion on important issues. This was one reason that we had to say no to a couple of girls who we felt were not the ones that God had in mind for our family. Meanwhile, A had had 2 failed adoptions and was trying to get her uncle to adopt her so she had been out of the state-wide online system for a little bit. None of those situations had panned out and so she remained in a foster home with a loving, single mom while her youngest brother was adopted, her older sister was a run away, and her next youngest brother was struggling in a group home.
Patiently we spent several nights a week looking at pictures and case worker descriptions of teens from all over Texas. Tom actually came upon the picture of our daughter first one night and asked me to read her case info. I was immediately drawn to her smile, which Tom says is also what drew him to her. There was joy in her eyes. I read her info and was concerned. She had stated in her desire for a "family" that she wanted a single mom and we were not a single mom family (kids over 11 are allowed to approve or disapprove of their adoption family). I remember telling Tom that I didn't think we should even consider her if she doesn't want to be open to having a Dad in her life and he said that it made him want her MORE! I'll never forget it. My heart was so full of love for my husband in that moment because he is such a good Daddy! He said that she didn't really know how good a Daddy could be and he wanted to be the one to show her. Wow! The tears fell again...
So we submitted a request for more info to our case worker, He requested, CPS had some conference calls about us, we got more info, more paperwork, more conference calls and then the call came the first week of October that we had been selected to be A's family! Oh happy day...we thought. They said it would be 6 weeks to get her file, which we had to read completely before we could move forward. Sad face. Oh but wait, it wasn't 6 weeks! It was 4 MONTHS!!! Ugh! What are these people doing anyway??? Handling thousands of kids or something??? HA! :) So finally it came...the FIVE large envelopes with about 2500 pieces of paper for us to read completely. That was our weekend.
After another 2 months, LOTS of praying, more conference calls, MORE praying, more reading, more calls, more paperwork...we finally got to set a date for our trip to meet A in another city. So with anticipation, we had my family keep the boys for the weekend and we went to meet our daughter! Two weeks later she moved in with us. And 7 months later we finalized adoption! It wasn't that smooth and easy of course but God was there throughout the process and we knew we had made the right decision.
Our daughter has gone through incredible personal struggle, and still does, to figure out her identity within our family, and all her relationships. And yet through it all she has managed to see how God has helped her begin to see how she can use her story in a positive way, and accept her identity in our family. "Identity" is a key word here because I think it would be hard to find your identity when you've had so much inconsistency in your life and so many people let you down, as A has experienced. She does not look like us, although many have said she is just a "latina" version of me :) I'll take that as a complement! She has many interests and experiences that are different from ours. She spent her childhood experiencing a much more "urban" way of life and now finds herself in suburbia. We have family traditions and inside jokes, and memories that she does not share. It would be easy for her to NOT identify herself with us. And yet even with all that, we love each other and embrace each others differences. We are a family. She is a part of us and we are a part of her. We are creating NEW traditions and NEW memories and the coolest part of our family story is that we CHOSE each other. Not many families can say that. There are days I want to kick a few people in this family to the moon, and I'm sure they feel that way about me sometimes. But all in all, the blessings outweigh the negative because we know who we belong to.
In reality, that is the "glue" that holds all of us together...our identity is in Christ. We know who we ALL belong to and we can look to the Lord to affirm the TRUTH about who we are, not what the world or the "enemy" says we are. A has come to know God in a real ,profound and marvelous way as her "daddy". She believes that He pulled her out of her situation and saved her. She has accepted Jesus as her personal savior and Lord of her life. When asked, she has the view that she does NOT wish her life had been different because God is EMPOWERING HER to share her story and inspire others. She is making a difference and she gives God the credit! He has provided for her all she has needed and He has cared and loved her. Her biological sister has had the same opportunities but has chosen to run away, be independent and go her own way...she is running away from God even while He pursues her. The difference is that God would have done the same for her sister but she is not yet open to receive it...God "adopted" our daughter through her faith in Christ. This is her true identity.
So I ask...Who's YOUR Daddy? You might have an awesome human Daddy that loves and supports you...maybe he's your biggest fan, stands by your side through thick and thin and has taught you much. And there are many that do not. It seems amazing to me that you see on some of these talk shows where there is paternity testing cuz someone doesn't even know if he's the Father of a child. There are absentee dads, workaholics, and there are dads that are too tough or too easy on their kids. No matter what kind of Dad you have here on earth, your FATHER in heaven is the ultimate Daddy. He is the Daddy we need to look to for our identity and WHO we belong to.
These are some of my favorite scriptures on some of the characteristics of our amazing "Daddy" God:
Psalm 36:5-6, Jeremiah 31:3, Lamentations 3:22-23 - Love
Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
6 Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.
I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you (to myself) with unfailing kindness.
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
Psalm 33:6, 24:1 and 139:13-14a - Creator and Sustainer
The heavens were made by the word of the Lord,
and all the stars, by the breath of His mouth.
The world and all that is in it belong to the Lord; the earth and all who live on it are his.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Titus 3:4-5 - Kind and Merciful
But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love
for mankind appeared,
5 He saved us—
not by works of righteousness that we had done,
but according to His mercy,
through the washing of regeneration
and renewal by the Holy Spirit.
Numbers 23:19 and 1 Samuel 16:7 - Consistent, Fair, and Honest
God is not human, that he should lie,
not a human being, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or his stature, because I have rejected him. Man does not see what the Lord sees, for man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart.
Jeremiah 29:11 and 1:5; John 15:19 - Faithful
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.
If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
Daniel 10:12 and Psalm 94:19 - Compassionate Listener
Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.
Isaiah 41:10 and Psalm 23:1-4 - Strong and Courageous Protector
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3 He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
Take in the word of God my friends. Know who loves you, chose you, and who you belong to. God will never leave you or forget you. He watches out for you and provides all you need. Look for Him at work in your life, going before you and protecting you so you don't have to continually look over your shoulder, or know what's coming ahead. Even when you face trials He is grieved at your suffering and will hold your hand. He will grow a garden in the midst of the weeds that spring up in your life, and He makes all things new. Look for His blessings and be thankful. He has already overcome and wants you to be with him forever. It is up to us to accept His love and the life He has called us to live. Will you join me on the journey?
No comments:
Post a Comment